British Language Sputtering Online Like an Previous Ford!

Unhappy, but true. Just about everywhere you go online, the English language is struggling a fate worse than dying. The problem, in reality, is so widespread it has begun to affect all facets of the language.
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“But, what on Earth does this have to do with Internet marketing? inch you may be asking. Well, my many other netpreneur… Everything!

It has everything regarding Internet marketing if you wish to portray yourself, and be perceived as, a Marketing Professional on the internet. Just remember, professionally speaking, Image will be Everything. On the other hand, if you’re not particularly interested in putting your ‘best feet forward’ when marketing your services or products, and I really hope this is not the case, then none of this applies to you.

Obviously, we don’t have time right here to do an in-depth study of the many instances of, what I would term, “casual disdain” I’ve witnessed online. Therefore , in order to illustrate my point, Factors . concentrate on a small, but vital component of the English language: the innocent, harmless apostrophe.

Allow me to try to paint a picture for you. A long, long, period ago, around the time of the Sobre Soto, the Corvair, bellbottoms, the particular VW “bug” (ring a bell? ), and before beatniks became known as hippies, you could look at advertisement copy and expect, to some degree, it had been reviewed and, presumably, fixed.

In other words, it was safe for women, children, and other life forms to view this, and read its content without having suffering any permanent, debilitating mental damage, such as a hard to diagnose conversation impediment, or maybe an involuntary nervous twitch across one cheek.

The things i see most of us doing now, at the dawn of the 21st Century, is that we read ad copy, and then, since it’s in bold letters upon carefully selected background, surrounded by pretty pictures, we accept the message as Gospel truth. All of us get so bowled over by “look” of it, that we forget to look at it critically enough.

Talk about your viral strategy, indeed…

Today, within the age of the cell phone, the Lexus, Viagra, the twenty five cent phone call, and a PC “in every barn, ” wherever I look, I realize the poor apostrophe maligned and misused. It gets no respect, possibly offline on signs, billboards, plus late-night Infomercials, or (shudder) online in cyber country, on that very personal and intimate appearance of its owner’s taste and personality: an individual’s web site.

Since I spend so much time online, much more, I think, compared to I spend on the real pavement of our own world, I notice the glaring mistreatment heaped upon our poor little fellow- the apostrophe-by careless webmasters, even more. The main thing I notice is that the apostrophe’s originally intended use can be slowly eroding; people are just making up their own versions of what the purpose really is. This is a prime example of what I mean by “casual disdain. inch

It’s been reported in ‘The Actually Up Yonder Gazette’, an influential distribution dedicated to digging up gossip regarding the well known dearly departed, that each William Shakespeare and John Milton have thrown up their hands in despair, and are contemplating turning their backs for good on something that some would consider their own development: our English language.

As a matter of fact, in the recent exclusive interview, “Willie boy” himself bemoans the effect all of this is having on his favorite language, as follows:

“Oh, perfidy that has befallen our instrument of expression, by us once nearly refined. Oh, treachery flung upon us by the masses shamelessly disdainful of reading and creating, of independent thought evidently unable! ”


Frankly, I securely believe that this unwarranted offense had been perpetrated by one of the first guys, otherwise the very first, who threw up that will first Web site selling, say, floppy disks with instructions on how to lengthen the mileage on single-ply bathing room tissue by rewashing it, carefully drying it with your wife’s locks dryer (when she’d gone out of the house, natch), and then gingerly covering this with a special jelly for sofness. You know, just your average 3-Step Recycling Process used mainly in Third World countries like Wyoming, for instance…

For the purposes of this little tale, let’s call this first online marketer, Butcher D. Grammer.

Well, this particular confounded fellow started something which has become a movement, or a new language convention. Grocer decided that the little fellow, my good friend the apostrophe, should not be used based on any rules or previous vocabulary conventions; heck no, the little other would, according to our Bathroom Recycle Consultant, be used any ol’time.

He’d use it, and so would the world who were yet to come, but who would follow suit, and our Grocer knew this well, to interchangeably indicate either the possessive or the plural forms in any sentence.

So , a sentence such as, “The seller does not guarantee its potential revenue, ” became: “The seller will not guarantee it’s potential profit. inch

Here he turned the possessive form of “its” into the abbreviated, or maybe the contraction form of, it is. So , if you were to read the second sentence, eliminating the contraction, the last part might read: “does not guarantee it really is potential. ”

But , our small Butcher, a thorough and disciplined craftsman, was not through yet. After all, there is even more damage he could inflict upon American English; and, leeringly, he or she mused, rubbing his hands jointly, “They’ll follow me blindly anyplace. ”

Next, he turned his attention to the plural form of basic words. Just about any word ending within “s, ” indicating that there was more than one object of whatever unit was being counted or measured, he changed into, you guessed it, the possessive form.

Words or terms for example, buyers, software tools, ingrown toe nail, battering ramps, fools, attractive girls, dumb-as-can-be-guys, and many, many others, became: buyer’s, software tool’s, ingrown toe nail’s, battering ramp’s, fool’s, attractive women’s, dumb-as-can-be-guy’s.

As hard to believe as it may seem, Butcher reign of terror is still not only alive and nicely, but from what I’m going to teach you, it’s expanding frighteningly. Please take a look at the following three additional examples, and cringe in terror:

1 . If your fascinated, just sign up from the link beneath.

2 . Just click here, and your performed.

3. Simply load email address’s into your auto-responder.

Obviously, in the 1st two sentences, Butcher and his fans have cleverly used the second-person possessive pronoun “your” as a substitute for the shortened “you’re. ” Their thinking becoming, “The heck with that comma-like point which is supposed to go on top. Nobody will even miss it. And, we are able to get away with chopping off the last “e”, also. ” (So, once again, the apostrophe gets the shaft).

As regards the third sentence shown above, quite frankly, I have no comment; I didn’t even know where to begin defining or even deciphering it… I’m afraid to look at it. It’s just a stroke of genius from the hand of our leading man, Butcher, who must have found the inspiration for this little morcel throughout a wrenching psychotic episode.

Now, We don’t know how other people feel about the sinister, pervasive, and, yes, viral damage caused by this one crazy man, but I, for one, hope he’s gone to his final resting place. Let him drive them crazy over there if (God forbid) he or she finds himself near a typewriter; as it is, Butcher’s handiwork makes me go nuts practically every day here in cyber space.

If only we could return to that time in the past, 1962 comes readily to mind for one reason or another, whenever spelling and a little attention to sentence structure counted for something.

But , as they say, in Bolivia, “Dude, t’ain’t no use complainin’, ‘dem ‘dere day’s is long gone. ”

Copyright 2004 Jorge M Vega

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